Most people know deep sorrow, some have experienced heartbreaking trauma. Among students of advaita vedanta, there is a tendency to say that joys and sorrows are part of maya, they are ephemeral, and therefore they are “not real.” This is a luxury only afforded to shallow individuals who have never had the misfortune to experience gut-wrenching sorrow.
I feel that sorrow is as real as anything we experience.
One memory haunts me. I’ve accompanied a relative to Tata Memorial Centre1, and I have waited with him in their lobby. During out-patient consulting hours, one sees parents and their young children waiting silently in the lobby. It is apparent that the child has cancer — some of the children have lost all hair due to chemotherapy. Some children are holding a portable steel stand from which a bottle of drip hangs, dripping some IV fluid into the child. The parent is embracing the child, and both are waiting their turn. None of them speak. The deadness in their eyes is beyond description. If I ever meet a vedanta student who shrugs off sorrow as an illusion, I will recommend that he or she spends an hour in the waiting lobby of the Tata Memorial Centre. I have no patience for a spiritual seeker who loses his ability to feel another’s sorrow in his quest for some deeper reality.
I sidestep the sting of sorrow by reminding myself of who I am and who Ma is. I remind myself that all good and bad, all joy and sorrow, are transient side-effects of the chaos and churn which is the universe. This needs to be accepted in totality, from the worst experiences to the most exhilarating joys.
I do not believe anyone can escape misery. One can only remind oneself what Ma is, while looking misery in the face and saying, “Ma, thy will is being done.” Ma never took it upon herself to keep us in perpetual happiness.
- Bombay’s most respected medical institution for the treatment of cancer โฉ๏ธ